My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
