My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
