Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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