I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
