How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
