I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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