You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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