My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
