then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
