like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
