sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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