Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Duck Duck Cougar?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
