fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
