K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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