I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
