I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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