I will die if light touches me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
