I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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