Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
