thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
