I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
