wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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