NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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