I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
