I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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