and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
