I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
