Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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