I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
