things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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