My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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