'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
