everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
