I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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