You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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