If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
