forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
