When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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