Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
