The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
