I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
