Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
