Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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