I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
