So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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