I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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