When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
