I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
