Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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