smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What a dumb baby whore.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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