Just cropdusted the office
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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