Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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